Quarterly 4(2)/2014 ISSN 2082-8411
Pedagogika Rodziny
Secretary editorial dr Mariola Świderska Advisory Board
prof. zw. dr hab. Amantius Akimjak (Slovakia) prof. zw. dr hab. Józefa Brągiel
prof. dr hab. Henryk Cudak (chairman) prof. zw. dr hab. Arthur Ellis (USA) prof. zw. dr hab. Krystyna Ferenz
prof. zw. dr hab. Reinhard Golz (Germany) prof. dr hab. Ing. Emilia Janigova (Slovakia) prof. zw. dr hab. Anna Kwak
prof. zw. dr hab. Stanisław Kawula dr Małgorzata Niewiadomska-Cudak prof. dr hab. Roman Patora
prof. zw. dr hab. Tadeusz Pilch
prof. zw. dr hab. Andrzej Radziewicz-Winnicki prof. zw. dr hab. Łukasz Sułkowski
dr Mariola Świderska (sekretarz)
prof. zw. dr hab. Andrzej Michał de Tchorzewski prof. dr hab. Anna Żilova (Słowacja)
The editor of issue prof. dr hab. Henryk Cudak
Editorial office „Pedagogiki Rodziny. Family Pedagogy”
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Dissertations Henryk Cudak
Permanence of Values as an Important Element of Family Life . . . . 7 Grzegorz Ignatowski
Problem of Confidence and its Loss – the Role of a Family in Instilling
Truthfulness . . . . 15 Sławomir Cudak
Specific difficulties in education and care process in single
motherhood family . . . . 23 Mariola Świderska
Institutional forms of support for the elderly . . . . 33 Ewa Przygońska
Asperger Syndrome – introduction to the problem . . . . 41 Dorota Nawrat
Career guidance in combating social exclusion and pathology among
adolescents . . . . 53 Małgorzata Kociszewska
Environmental education of managers in the context of sustainable
development strategy . . . . 65 Marek Jan Kuciapiński
The therapeutic and educational properties of fairytale therapy in the early stages of children’s development . . . . 77
Research findings Wojciech Ratajek
The influence of modern technologies on family in Poland and Europe . . . . 97 Arkadiusz Marzec
Role of family in establishment of recreational behaviour patterns in
children and young people . . . . 105 Beata Ciupińska
Determinants of conflicts with Parents in the view of young adolescents . . 117
(Research conducted in the province of Subcarpathian) . . . . 129 Jan Basiaga, Sylwia Badora
Between a feeling and a duty – on care within professional foster families 141 Arkadiusz Mateusz Korycki
Domestic violence against seniors perceived by the “prevention/ intervention staff” . . . . 159
Henryk Cudak
University of Social Sciences
Permanence of Values as an Important Element of Family Life
Introduction
Family is a very important social, emotional and educational environment for every human being, especially for children and youngsters. Unlike the other, outside the family environments, it manifests specific love, intimacy, internal structure, atmosphere of home life and special relationships between parents and children.
A child is born in the family, regardless of its type (single parent families, cohabitant, full, reconstructed), he or she develops not only biologically but mainly personally, intellectually, emotionally and socially within the family. In a family environment the child learns a language, acquires human characteristics, social norms, behaviors, interactions between people and take up the tradition recognized by parents, their expression of the culture and system of values.
In the hierarchy of values , both recognized and valued by children, adolescents and adults, the family is one of the first and most important. They all express the view that the proper functioning of the family determines the happiness of life and the fate of the educational and professional successes of the human being [Cudak 2000]. The rise of the family crisis situation in Poland and in the world, is disturbing phenomenon in recent decades. The instability of its structure increases, the emotional ties between its members are growing weak, conflicts in a family environment intensifies, aggression and violence by parents of children increases and what decreases is parental authority, the model of the family is changing.
These negative situations of family life is often accompanied by social problems such as alcoholism, unemployment and migration of one or both parents. These certainly aggravate crises in a family environment.
Dysfunctions of modern family life can threaten in shaping the system of family values , ethical, social, timeless in the young generation. The mass media like television and the Internet give models of social life, as well as disturbed hierarchy of values from previously adopted by the family. Hence, there is often confusion of the set of behavior, interpersonal interactions, social norms and especially values undertaken in everyday family life and in the life outside family.
Despite these macro-social and intrafamily threats of the modern family, this social micro-group should be regarded as primary, basic and most important careing, educational, social and axiological environment, that in particular periods of the child’s development - from its birth to adulthood - is actively involved in shaping the cherished and recognized values of life. The close emotional bonds within the family environment, friendly and cordial atmosphere of home, parenting skills and socialization of parents, parental love and parental authority are the paradigms of life in the family, creating a system that optimize the value of traditions and non-family, pro-social and timeless (such as goodness, beauty, justice and truth).In addition, the community of family members, their emotional closeness and friendly interactions will daily make the proper selection of disturbed behavior, false ambitions and aspirations and choices of good and rational life decisions from a number of different values that children, youth and family meet at the local and macro-social environment.
The elements of family life that shape the process of socialization and va- lue hierarchy in children’s life
In the family, as in the whole society, there are changes. They are not as dynamic and rapid as they were visible in the macro-social changes of political transformation, because the family environment is slightly an open social group, internally consistent with intimate ties, especially in difficult times and during the changes of social, economic, political, and axiological reality.
Reevaluation of the social and political ideology, liberal economy, autonomy and freedom of individuals and groups of people, eliminating authorities, unemployment and the crisis of many institutions, including the care and upbringing, caused the transformation of ideas, patterns of behavior, and even the values hitherto recognized and accepted. In recent times (especially two last decades) the family as a social group makes certain reevaluations of axiological, functional, structural, socializing nature. The traditional model of family life in which the husband and father was the “head” of the family and takes important decisions for its members was driven towards the partner model.
Both the macro-social conditions, as well as crises placed inside the family involves the need to reflect on the possibility of teaching children and adolescents prosocial, ethical, moral behavior, active in the field of development and improvement of society. A definite view should be regarded that the family as
the primary caring, educational, emotional and social environmentis the most important in the creation of the particular system and the hierarchy of values, in it the child is born, brought up and functioning in important periods of development.
Pedagogical skills of parents are an important paradigm in the development of values in children and appropriate and socially beneficial socialization. In the area of educational skills of parents there are also parental sphere of action, as for example the use of rewards in the process of care and educational interactions, reflective use of sanctions in relation to children, and the ability to create in a purposeful and conscious way the situations of educational and socialization kind for children. Parents who have a high pedagogical culture are aware that their every action both to children and other family members is a socializing situation.
They also understand that not only rewards and punishments raise a child but also their own example given out.
Conscious and targeted interaction in a family environment shape the interaction and intrafamilial communication, which is marked by continuity and permanence of the educational, social and caring relationship. Individual, including the child is a social unit, develops and shapes the views, aspirations, needs and value system in situations of intrafamilial communication. The quality of these relationships not only supports but also optimizes the educational process of children and youth in a family environment, which includes the requirement to acquire values for recognition of their own. A process of introception [Kunowski 2003] ofrecognized and accepted hierarchy of values occurs.
Parents of high pedagogical culture should take purposely and with full responsibility the concept of a targeted education family program of proceeding with children. This, according to M. Nowak [2005] put certain tasks before the family in the sphere of educational capacity to implement and could create situations of socialization, care and education essential for the development, acquisition of norms and behaviors conducive to social, religious, moral, civil, and family values. These tasks are indispensable in the early periods of development of the child, when the family is the only educational and socializing environment.
Methods of enforcing educational nature in the form of penalties, especially those of physical nature, must be eliminated by parents in the process of educational in favor of teaching, using a greater range of educational awards, including emotional awards and reflective parenting of an intellectual nature [Przygoda 2011]. Aware of the impact of parents in a family environment optimizes formation in children attitudes, views, aspirations and cherished social values.
The model of family life is changing. From traditional and institutional, in which the social roles of mother and children were subordinated to father, into the community model. In the modern family the diversity and subjectivity of the roles of mother, father, grandparents and children can be observed. Although the
social role of father as a head of the family has diminished and was depreciated in favor of the maternal role, in a family environment of more community nature, that is emotionally integrated, the system values is more accepted by the children.
Equivalence and coordination of the roles of father and mother in family life supports the creation of the system of values. Father is increasingly involved in activities and household duties, takes care and upbringing of children. The share of the father in these works, often performed together with his wife and children, consolidates and strengthens the emotional bonds within the family and supports appropriate social relationships in the home environment. The characteristic of the modern family is receiving, recognition and responsibility of parents for the educational, social fate of a child, and also the interchangeability of parental duties and social roles is more visible, depending on the age of the children, living environment, professional position and maturity of the partnership of parents.
The role of the father in the family is not only the implementation of children to respect social, moral norms and creation pro-social and civic values, but also in the educational process he should show affection, love, care and worry about meeting the needs of both material and social, and psychological nature [Świderska 2011]. The role of the mother in home environment is to give feelings, especially unconditional love, surrounding their care and meeting the needs of biological and emotional nature. Besides manifesting the mother’s emotional experiences and creating a warm climate of the domestic life in the modern family based on partnership, she also comply with economic functions, socialization and upbringing in a family environment. She is often in the educational process and especially in creating value system more demanding, firm and consistent than father’s role. S. Forward rightly argues that “the personality of the child, deprived of parental role model in this crucial moment of emotional development, is exposed to drifting in the sea of chaos” [Forward 1993 p. 28 ]. Certainly the view can be expressed that the child functioning in a family environment in which tasks and social roles of parenting are not filled properly, the example of what a father and a mother are in the home is disturbed, then the child is going through the confusion of values showed by parents and social environment outside the family.
An important paradigm in the family, having an influence on the development of values in children and adolescents are emotional bonds interconnecting parents and children. These bonds are contingent on one side of wedlock and kinship of parents and children, on the other hand, they arise from the immediacy of the social and psychological interaction between the members of the family.
The closeness and warmth of emotional ties is conducive to the exchange of experiences, views and ideas, and determine the specific behaviors of parents and children in a family environment and outside the family. In addition, mental balance and emotional preferred compounds of the families in the community have an impact on the formation and development of individual
personal characteristics of parents and children [Cudak 2011]. The first periods of development (infancy, toddlers and pre-school) are for children multilateral necessity of emotional and behavioral impressions. Providing the child’s emotional experiences will enrich mutual emotional relationships and emotional bonds within the family environment. Family situations saturated with cordial feelings of mental nature, optimize the range of accepted children’s behavior, views and values in everyday life revealed by their parents. Internalizing of the value system functioning in the family usually takes place by imitation of the parents. Positive emotional relationships in the community of the family create and develop in children mostly pro-family values , such as traditions, rituals and habits cultivated in the family, but also the ways of mutual verbal and nonverbal communication, adherence to standards of behavior in the family and outside. In addition, the emotional closeness of parents and children is also a possibility of transmission to the younger generation the timeless values of love, mutual respect, justice, truth, also the aesthetic values such as beauty, sensitivity, moral values - tolerance, respect for human rights, freedom and also religious values.
The values transmitted to children in a family environment is richer and more versatile if the dialogue between the members of the family community is cordial, kind, exhibiting a sense of mutual support and assistance, in which there is unconditional and conditional parental love, and emotional bonds between parents and children are based on subjective and emotional social relations.
Rightly Joseph Brągiel [Kawula, Brągiel, Janke 2007] claims that emotional bonds within the family environment are shaped, among others, in the course of meeting the needs of the child and they depend on how they are met by the family.
In addition to biological and material needs (food, sleep, rest, hygiene, health, housing, material goods) that are necessary for life and physical development of the child, there is also necessity for the social and psychological needs. Among the latter group needs, which are essential for the social, emotional and axiological functioning of children and young people in a family environment and outside the family, the needs for social contact, security, recognition, love, acceptance, belonging are regarded.
Multilateral way of meeting the psychosocial needs of children by parents is not only an important element leading to a close emotional relationships, parenting and family welfare in the community, but also indicates in the transfer of family socialization, in the acquisition by the young generation the value system being held and recognized in the family. In the process of meeting the child’s needs both mother and father must satisfy certain tasks. A special role is for the mother, who from the day of birth takes an active part in the care, love and acceptance.
She fulfills the needs of the biological, health, hygiene, safety nature, and also social-emotional contact, maternal love.
Maternal sensitivity to the needs of children and young people brings the child first, very important experience, emotional confidence, emotional closeness,
hygienic habits, and above all learns the mother tongue, verbal and non-verbal behavior of a child in a family environment, basic social norms and interpersonal interactions.
The role of father in meeting the needs of the child in the family, and in later development periods also in the local environment, is also a significant and irreplaceable, since he implements material, housing, safety, social dialogue, belonging needs. In families today he is involved also in the activities of nursing, care, education and socialization. His relationship with the child, although often based on conditional actions, they are full of love and acceptance. They cause the child to identify and imitate his father’s personal characteristics, consider the views, opinions, behavior patterns, which constitute a system of values . The hierarchy of values shaped in children because of friendly and versatile way to meet the needs of the biological, physical and especially social and psychological nature, is similar to the system of values showed and recognized by parents.
Social relations between family members, the quality of emotional bonds in the domestic environment cause specific atmosphere of family life. The climate of coexistence and cooperation between parents and children can also be a paradigm shaping the hierarchy of values in the family. Maria Tyszkowa determines the atmosphere of violence in the family, that it is a “system of mutual relations, the nature of emotional connection to each other reciprocal treatment by family members, and primarily by the attitude of parents to each other and to the children”
[Tyszkowa 1987, p. 25]. The big role in the atmosphere of home is attributed to the functioning relations between the parents, a way of organizing domestic life. Consequences of family atmosphere created by parents are the methods and forms of educational influence – parents caring for their children as well as the socialization process functioning in the home environment.
The family, which exhibited an atmosphere of kindness, family warmth, mutual respect, support and help in different situations, education and childcare – all social norms, aspirations, motives and principles of life in the form of specific values are taken over by children and considered as own system of values.
Both parents must take care of the home atmosphere of mutual love, understanding, mental balance, tolerance and cooperation. Although the family is of a partnership model, the mother because of the emotional development of their areas, giving the feelings of family members has a greater ability to create a warm and friendly atmosphere of home.
In an atmosphere of mutual love and kindness children have a sense of security, acceptance, and belonging to a community of the family. They want to stay at home, live in it and work together with parents. During mutual dialogue, respect and understanding they acquire from their parents pro-family, moral, ethical and civil values. Atmosphere of home warmness and family community is an important element that successfully makes a natural selection of behavior,
standards of conduct and disturbed values expressed among peers, the local environment or macro-social events, with whom the child has contact and from which unconsciously can take patterns of behavior.
No less important paradigm for creating a system of values in children in the environment is parental authority. The authority of the father and mother is not the result of power, biologically conditioned and significance of lead strength father or mother in relation to the child, as it functioned in the traditional family, the most patriarchal, which had most of the father as the supreme authority of the parent.
In families today, in which parents and their children are treated subjectively, the authority of the father and mother is shaped by social status, emotional ties, relationships, mental health in the community of family and their adopted system of values , behaviors and attitudes. It is formed in the opinion, views and assessment of children in everyday interactions between father and mother, and parents and children [Kawula, Brągiel, Janke 2007]. Parental authority is based on emotional ties between father and child, and mother and child, it does not require absolute subordination forced by power and domination in the family but the community goals, objectives and mutual respect. Parents representing high authority for the children are the personal patterns to them. Children take on a follow norms of behavior, relationships to other people, respect for family values , philosophical, educational, ethical, educational and social values. Hierarchy and expression of the values shared by parents who have high authority, is on the way of identification accepted by children and internalizes as its own system of values.
Other values that are outside the family environment (peer groups, mass -media, school, local environment) is reduced, eliminated or consciously rejected from the hierarchy’s own value system.
Parental authority results in a stronger identification of sons with the father and the system of values adopted by him, and daughters identify more with the behaviors, attitudes and value systems recognized by mother.
Conclusions
Each family creates its own unique caring, emotional, social and educational environment. If parents are aware of their parental roles, can eliminate the crisis or even critical family situations, they can optimize the parental impact of caring, socialization and axiological sphere. Under the influence of observation and imitation of the parents, the child learns to conduct daily verbal and non-verbal interaction, respect, love, tolerance. Learns in a family environment to explore issues of surrounding social reality, to distinguish good from evil, beauty from ugliness, love from hate, obtains a hierarchy of values , self-identity and dignity.
Not every contemporary family meet the appropriate social, emotional and caring conditions to their children. In many environments, family structure, emotional ties and interpersonal relationships are disturbed. Conflictuality and
dysfunction in the family weaken the authority of the father and mother. These situations are not favorable for socialization, education of children and the creation of pro-family values , moral, ethical, educational and social.
Abstract: In contemporary family the roles of parents have changed. The methods of passing values and their hierarchy to children are also changed. Therefore it is important for nowadays families to have an aware educational and upbringing program, as it is the only way, through the consequent teaching of the system of values, set in new social role context it is possible for a child to achieve the coherent system of values.
Key-words: family, values, social roles.
Streszczenie: We współczesnej rodzinie zmieniają się role społeczne rodziców. Zmieniają się więc również formy przekazywania wartości oraz ich hierarchii. Dlatego ważne jest, aby we współczesnej rodzinie rodzice przyjmowali świadomy program wychowawczy, gdyż jedynie w sten sposób, poprzez konsekwentne przekazywanie systemu wartości osadzone w nowych realiach ról społecznych, dziecko może przyswoić spójny system wartości.
Słowa kluczowe: rodzina, wartości, role społeczne.
Bibliography
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Cudak H. Cudak S. (2011), Vademecum wiedzy o rodzinie, Kielce.
Forward S. (1993), Toksyczni rodzice, Warszawa.
Kawula S., Brągiel J., Janke A.W. (2007), Pedagogika Rodziny, Toruń.
Kunowski S. (2003), Wartości w procesie wychowania, Kraków.
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Family Pedagogy”, nr 1(3/4)2011, kwartalnik, Społeczna Wyższa Szkoła Przedsiębiorczości i Zarządzania w Łodzi, Łódź.
Grzegorz Ignatowski
University of Social Sciences
Problem of Confidence and its Loss – the Role of a Family in Instilling Truthfulness
More than twenty years ago we decided to rebuild our economy and create civic society. From the very beginning it was obvious that the process would not be easy. There are many obstacles which slow down or even inhibit the process.
In the material sphere of life we should emphasize relatively high unemployment, corruption, nepotism, constantly changing regulations, bureaucracy and bureaucrats’ incompetence. In the psychological sphere we should emphasise constant lack of time and confidence, widespread conformity or truthfulness. All these problems are related to each other. The issue of conformity is relatively rarely discussed in scientific articles. Conformists do not believe in their competences and they are not creative in their work or while making strategic decisions for their company [Aronson, Wilson, Akert 2006. p. 231]. In this article we are going to analyse a more important issue – trust and a possibility of losing it after telling lies.
Lack of confidence in other person and its effects have a far more negative impact on social and economic life than the mentioned conformity.
If we were to define the word “confidence” we could say that a confident person is diligent, dutiful, honest, reliable and truthful. We can also add that such a person is responsible, loyal, faithful, veracious, definitely – honest. In the most plain way confidence can be identified as believing in good human intentions.
John G. Holmes and Justin V. Cavallo [2007, pp. 998–999] claim that confidence is a personal belief that some people are favourable to us. If we trust the person who we keep relationships with, we believe that he or she will be reliable and sensitive to our needs. Confidence does not only refer to relationships of the person with
other people but it can also be interpreted as a personal quality characterizing human tendencies to trust or not other people.
An outstanding French sociologist and historian, Emilie Poulat [2013, pp. 1–2]
presents the problem of confidence in a poetic way. He says that confidence is the most important and primary value. It is a driving force for everything that happens in the world. Poulat first firmly states and then describes at length that we trust somebody every day, from early morning. For example, while having a morning bath we are sure that the Earth goes around the sun and it has not fallen in or got lost in the abyss of the universe. Moreover, populations of people would not grow so dynamically if they were not sure that next generations would survive future disasters. Poulat also says that there are various forms of confidence. In economic spheres of life we observe an increase or decrease in the trust in the dollar or euro. We must have at least minimum trust in the person with whom we are going to hold negotiations. If we do not have that feeling of confidence, it is no use wasting time because the talks will be fruitless. Some more examples refer to a baker and supplier of fresh food. We believe the food is really fresh when in the morning we go shopping. We do not patiently wait for a bus if we do not expect that the driver will arrive on time. Parents must feel trust in educational places after they have decided to leave their children in nurseries, send them to schools or holiday camps.
Lack of confidence in everyday life results in very serious consequences. In professional life employees are required to submit more and more papers and a lot of time is spent on more and more controls which are detailed and held more and more frequently. Instead of expanding their business employers waste time and money controlling the work of their employees. We can give a lot of examples of such lack of confidence in our social and economic life. Just after selling a car, the car dealer immediately informs the customer that he does not take responsibility for the quality of fuel the owner will put in the tank. Employers in public transport companies check whether their employees start work under the influence of alcohol. On the other hand a lot of people do not trust their bosses.
That is the reason why employees are not creative in their workplaces. They simply do not know if they will still be employed when they come to work.
Not only psychologists deal with the problem of trust. It also lies in the focus of attention of many teachers and sociologists; management specialists have recently got interested in this topic, too. In practice, no company, administration unit or other organization [Krajewska-Nieckarz 2008, p. 93] can operate if their employees do not trust each other. It is widely believed that Polish people are usually distrustful of other people, which is only partly true. Findings of conducted sociological studies show that Poles do not trust mainly strangers. We do not know what we can expect from such people. Our confidence is limited in relationships with people who have different ethic values, come from other cultures and keep
traditions which are unknown to us. It appears that Polish people unconditionally trust only their family [Zaufanie społeczne 2012, p. 6].
We can give a few reasons why we lose confidence in others. A famous and respected Polish ethicist, Maria Ossowska [2000, p. 108] points out at lies.
However, the problem of telling lies is not as easy as it might seem. To avoid evaluative opinions many people use milder definition of telling lies and say that such a person does not lie but only avoids telling the truth. It is not the only word which we use to say that this or that utterance is a plain and deliberate lie.
Our vocabulary and ideas referring to lies is are vast. We often say that someone changed facts, distorted the truth, twisted everything around, promised the earth or abused confidence [Broniarek 2005, p. 127; Dąbrówka, Geller, Turczyn 2005, p. 574; Skoróbka 1985, p. 65]. Thus, we should ask whether telling the truth and telling lies have become so common and ambiguous that we need to use a vivid language to describe them or present their forms. In this article we do not mention the language of politicians. We have already got used to speeches made during political campaigns and it is common that what politicians say is far from being true. We simply know that the speeches are just empty words and idle slogans and nobody is going to believe in them. In everyday life we can hear that a political speech was a form of pre-election agitation, was aimed at gaining voters and justified by methods of electoral campaign. In this context I do not regard advertisements as deceitful. It is obvious that nobody will believe that washing powder will immediately whiten our dirty clothes or that we will recover lost voice after taking one herbal tablet [Ogonowska 2010, pp. 77–80; Barańska 2011, pp.
32–35].
Here we should put two questions. The first one refers to the definition of a lie.
The second one is: Can the mentioned synonyms be identified as lies, too? Can we just say that a lie is giving information which does not correspond to the knowledge we have to another person? If it were so, many tough opinions would not be lies because it was lack of knowledge which was the cause of misinformation. Maybe it is better not to express your opinions on issues which you are not familiar with to avoid being blamed for disseminating lies. Undoubtedly, this statement is an insinuation to film celebrities and other publicly known people who do not hesitate to express opinions on current social, ethical or didactic issues. We do not treat such utterances seriously and say that this or that actor made a faux pas.
But the practice of telling lies is a much more serious problem than it might seem.
Anna Draberek [1999, p. 131] believes that “a lie is a deliberate and conscious act of misinforming somebody in order to mislead them”. According to the definition an act of misinforming somebody is not always treated as a lie. We should consider the intention of the person giving information and wonder whether he or she is aware of disseminating untrue information. The same author says that the practice of telling lies can be justified, or even, recommended. Such a situation is allowed
if someone’s privacy is under assault, in order to prevent someone from suffering or to inflict suffering on the person.
A Canadian specialist on social communication, Marie-France Cyr [2004. pp.
13–14] claims that we are all liars. A French social psychologist, Claudine Biland [2014, pp. 1–2], adds that lying is required to fit well in a society. So, would we be made to disseminate lies? If we analyze the last opinion, we will see it is true to great extent. We find it difficult to tell our workmate what we think of his or her outfit or hairstyle. So as not to spoil team spirit, so needed at work, we consciously tell lies. Let us give another example. If our workmate asks us what we think about his or her new coat, we usually answer that it is really smart and we particularly like the modern and hairstyle. Simply we will not tell him or her that we really like neither the coat nor the hairdo. We are not going to clarify that it is not conformity but a premeditated lie [Gerris 2006, p. 569]. Both the above examples deal with conscious and deliberate lying. A question arises: In what ethical and educational categories should we evaluate those minor lies? We make a lot of linguistic tricks in order not to offend a close person. White lies very often make some people feel pleased. Sometimes we also give more hope. A few years ago a doctor and now we face a dilemma: to tell or not our close person that he/she is terminally ill. Should we not say, maybe with a little exaggeration, that such an attitude is honest and altruistic?
There are many kinds of lies. The mentioned Claudine Biland, says there are three egoistic lies. The first group includes utterances in which giving false information helps us to show ourselves in a positive light. Obviously, we much exaggerate while presenting our positive characteristics and concealing our weaknesses in an interview with our potential employer. Job applications with attached work competences are systematically verified or neglected. However, we expect that such practice has always been used and it was not created only in our modern times. The need to make a positive impression is not limited to our professional life. Let us wonder what a boyfriend tells his girlfriend in the first date. He usually tells her imaginary stories about his school achievements, tries to show her how smart and how self-confident he is. What is the second egoistic lie?
According to Biland, it helps us to gain personal benefits while selling or getting rid of an old thing. We make such right observations while analyzing our everyday social life. We do not have to enumerate opinions heard on Sunday car sales about reliable cars or other devices. Similarly to the lie in which we present ourselves in the best positive light, again we deal with a well-thought-out, sometimes cynical opinion, which is aimed at misleading the person interested in our shiny product.
In this context we can say that all that glitters is not gold. Finally, there is the third egoistic lie. It happens when we want to avoid punishment, prevent a conflict or when a long-lasting relationship finishes. We can give an example of a talk with a policeman who stopped us for speeding or a student deliberately trying to mislead
his/her teacher after being caught for cheating. The mentioned examples show that many problems of our social and professional life interpenetrate here. They include corruption, nepotism, trust and conformity [Sułkowski 2004].
The above mentioned examples of our social life in the aspect of lying make us wonder whether the practice of lying is such an inextricable element of life that we will never get rid of it. Thus, we should recall that in the United States an interesting experiment was made. The authors of the experiment found some volunteers who agreed to note down told lies for a period of a week. It appeared that certain volunteers had misled people twice a day. In fact, the findings were even worse. After conducting a detailed analysis, it also turned out that the participants of the experiment had told lies, too as they wanted their image to be perfect. There is nothing strange in it. Even three-year old children can tell lies. They do it to satisfy their parents, check whether they are able to realize they are deceived or to demonstrate their dominance over them. When they get older they are able to present a false facial image and express emotions which make the children look really reliable and natural.
The above observations and opinions are a ground for drawing a few conclusions.
Firstly, an act of giving false information to other person is not necessarily a lie.
In this context, what is important is the attitude of the author of the lie or his/
her personal beliefs. According to Saint Augustine of Hippona the one who gives false information but believes it is true, is not a liar [Derrida 2005, pp.
11–12; Kołakowski 2009, p. 179]. This mentioned Doctor of the Catholic Church initiated a discussion over lying. He and Immanuel Kant are considered to be strict philosophers as they believed that always and in all circumstances one should tell the truth. Instilling truthfulness is widely practised in monotheist religions where believers are forbidden to give false testimony. The ban of deceiving also refers to lies, fraud and slander. Judaism does not allow for disseminating gossips even if there is a grain of truth in them [Chouraqui 2002, pp. 199–219].
Being always truthful in our complicated reality is not required. Maria Ossowska [2000, pp. 110–111] quoted before, mentions so called “didactic lies”.
She tells about keeping elusions which help a man to get over a difficult time. We promise someone who is experiencing difficult moments that the situation will soon improve. However, we know that it will never improve and if it happens, it will be in a distant future only. The author recalls an incident from war times. She also believes that didactic lies include those which are helpful in upbringing. Since we know that children will not understand certain problems of reproduction we give them misleading or evasive replies.
Bearing in mind the above observations we should introduce one more division of lies. The ground for that division is the cause. The first category would include
“serious” lies and they would be the ones which are not harmful. They would be all lies which bring people consolation, improve their mood and help to keep positive
atmosphere at work. The second group would include false utterances which are harmful and bring unhappiness. They happen for example when an employer takes on an incompetent employee. By pretending to be a sales representative he misleads elderly people and wangles money out of them. Let us present a situation in which we help to hide a criminal or sell a damaged car.
Before we sum up, we should stress that a family is the best place to bring up children and teach them to avoid lying as well as to initiate a discussion about lies which bring people relief. A family is the most important and primary place where physical and psychological needs are fulfilled. A family, the smallest social unit, is an environment where children are taught empathy and honesty in professional and social life and become sensitive to other people’s feelings. The most important features of a family are such that make it a spiritual unity. According to Franciszek Adamski [2006, p. 307] they include intimacy, familiarity, companionship, understanding of mutual interests, plans and expectations. He also adds readiness to sacrifice and complete dedication to other person. Because of this intimacy
“serious” lies sound really nasty as confidence in the people who love us becomes undermined. By doing harm to them we lose love and stop realizing our mutual plans and goals which we have been systematically trying to fulfil and achieve.
The community which is supposed to provide safety becomes a place where the safety is all of a sudden under threat. Educational features of a family make this environment the best place for shaping truthfulness and confidence. Mikołaj Winiarski [2006, pp. 323–324] points out here at emotional ties between family members. Lies immediately disrupts this emotional balance and make it difficult to keep emotional ties. Other positive features of a family include a variety of situations which are authentic and natural. In such environment a lie brings a lot of harm. It ruins this authenticity and natural character of the family, to which we want to come back and where we want to stay with pleasure. Moreover, a family is characterized with dominating family ties. It is the ties which prevent lies from disrupting our strong personal relationships and introduce the atmosphere in which we do not have confidence in each other.
Abstract: Confidence is one of the most essential elements which no social or professional group can exist without. As feature of character it is required in someone’s private, social and professional life. In all our relationships we lose it due to telling lies. Lies accompany our personal life on all its stages. Already three-year old children tell lies to satisfy their parents, check whether they are able to realize they are deceived or to demonstrate their dominance over them. Teachers and ethicists differentiate between useful didactic lies and ruthless and cynical comments harmful to others. Because of emotional ties and close relationships, a family is the best environment where a child should be taught to despise lies and respect trust.
Key-words: confidence, ethics, honesty, lie
Streszczenie: Zaufanie jest jednym z zasadniczych elementów bez których nie może funkcjonować żadna społeczność i grupa zawodowa. Zaufanie, jako cecha charakteru, jest konieczne w życiu prywatnym, społecznym i zawodowym. We wszystkich relacjach tracimy je najczęściej z powodu wypowiadanego kłamstwa. Towarzyszy ono naszemu życiu osobistemu we wszystkich okresach rozwoju człowieka. Kłamstwa pojawiają się już u trzyletnich dzieci, które popełniają je, aby zabawić rodziców, sprawdzić ich zdolności do demaskowania kłamstw lub dla udowodnienia swojej dominacji. Wychowawcy i etycy rozróżniają pożyteczne kłamstwa pedagogiczne od bezwzględnych i cynicznych wypowiedzi krzywdzących innych ludzi. Ze względu na więzy emocjonalne, częste i osobiste kontakty rodzina jest najlepszym środowiskiem, w którym należy uwrażliwiać dziecko na kłamstwo i szacunek dla zaufania.
Słowa kluczowe: zaufanie, etyka, szczerość, kłamstwo
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Sławomir Cudak
University of Social Sciences
Specific difficulties in education and care process in single motherhood family
Introduction
Family isan extremely important educational, care, socialization and cultural environment for the child. Children under observation and imitation of them, and intrafamily interaction between members of the family learn social norms, patterns of behavior, shaping attitudes, hierarchy of values. Today the family in Poland, especially those of young age and marital experience transform in their functions, social, emotional, educational and care. These changes are determined by global, macro-social changes, which include according to Zbigniew Tyszka [2002]:
− The weakening of social bonds,
− An increase of unemployment in the society,
− Atomization of social life,
− Globalization of culture and behavior,
− Liberalization of norms, patterns of behavior,
− Increased competition and the free market economy,
− An increase in aggression and conflictuality between social groups,
− The global economic crisis, the economic and social development.
These elements of social and economic life grew rapidly in recent decades, especially after the transition. They have a definite impact on the functioning and structure of the modern family. They contribute to the formation of a variety of family dysfunctions in the community, which most often manifested as aggression, conflicts between family members, unemployment of one or both parents, migration of parents , usually the father, loosening of emotional ties in a family environment, isolation of family members, especially children, the liberalization
of educational and care process, family socialization disorder, confusion of values accepted and recognized in the family. These elements threaten the functioning of the modern family and contribute to the crisis situation in the family environment, including disturbance of family structure expressing in its instability and the breakdown of the marriage.
Today we observe the process of growth in the number of single parent families. Incompleteness of the family may be constant or periodic (temporary).
The cause of permanent incompleteness family is the death of a parent, divorce, single parenthood by choice, the abandonment by one of the parents. And temporaryincompleteness of family, which in recent decades, becoming wider in size, primarily due to the migration of parents, especially the father, the parents work in a distant place from home, long-term illness of the father or mother.
There are much more incomplete families with single mothers than with single fathers. It is due to higher mortality of men in young age, allocation by family courts in 94.6% parental care to mothers and only 5% to fathers, the increase in the number of women opting for single motherhood, migration gainful primarily of men.
Single mothers, especially in the first period of a dysfunctional family structure are experiencing significant emotional and social tensions, which have a direct impact on the imbalance of a greater or lesser extent, the process of educational, welfare, social interactions and relationships within the family, ingested maternal attitudes, values recognized and patterns of behavior in the family and outside the family as well as social and professional position in the local environment.
Typology of incomplete families with single mother
In Polish society, the number of single-parent families, including families with single mothers are growing. Today, the phenomenon of single motherhood is becoming quite common. Even in the first half of the twentieth century and earlier, single motherhood, as well as divorce was not socially acceptable. At the present time - twenty-first century – both: divorces, as well as the birth of a child born out of wedlock have become an element of social life that cause no emotional impact.
Families of single mothers in the literature are often referred to as „at least two-generation, incomplete social structures (non-biological, biological - legal or legal), which are characterized by long-term, or permanent deformation of the structure of the partnership and generational isolation generating the majority of mothers in making decisions about different validity of life, in relation to each other and the children, and a requirement solely responsible for the fate of the younger generation” [Trawińska 1996 p.10].
The characteristic features for the structure of incomplete family with single motherhood are, according to A. Kwak [2012], as follow:
− The biological father is outside the family - dead or living separately,
− Interruption of the primary emotional bonds that join an incomplete family with their absent father,
− Keeping independent household by his mother.
Typology of single-parent families with a single mother is generally made on the basis of the causes of such families. Different authors mention various reasons that causes for the incompleteness of the family, including single motherhood.
Aulaytner J. [1995] typology of reasons making single motherhood, the classification of families with a single mother divides into:
1. Long-term or permanently incomplete families.
2. Temporary incomplete families with single parent.
The first group includes such incomplete families, which are:
− Orphaned due to the death of the father,
− Broken as a result of divorce or abandonment by the father, or husband,
− Incomplete biologically - unmarried mothers with a child.
The second group of families temporarily incomplete single mothers cite such cases as:
− Stay of the father in prison,
− The longer treatment of the father in hospital,
− Migration of the father abroad for work purposes,
− The nature of work outside the place of residence of the family.
Of all the categories (typology), family of single motherhood, family of single women, especially underage girls, is perceived by the public as the least positive. It should be noted that today many women are well off economically and professionally decide at mature age to conscious single motherhood.
Very interesting typology of incomplete families with single parents was introduced by L. Sarnowski [2001]. For its development he used following independent variables: education, number of children, marriage status, living environment, co-management with third parties.
1. Singlemotherhood by choice – these are women conscious and willingly cho- osing motherhood. They are characterized by a higher education, living in the city, having a high or medium financial status and professional.
2. Single motherhood by chance - applies to a group of underage mothers, with at most a high school education, manifest deficiencies in the qualifications, ha- ving difficulty in finding gainful employment. These families live alone both in town and in rural areas, they have difficulties in meeting material needs and therefore must use the assistance of social care institutions.
3. Not seeking single motherhood. This group of families of single mothers is in the form divorcees, widows, leaving the family by his father, his father’s emigra- tion. Mothers in these families are usually focused on the problems of educa- tion and care of their children.
4. Incomplete families but not quite single motherhood. These are miss with a child or widows that along with other people form household, so called multi- generational often feminized.
Families with single motherhood manifested in its functioning numerous difficulties. They are in a worse financial situation than a complete family, as mothers’ income is the source of livelihood of the family. Moreover, as the Kawula S. claims [2005] mothers in these families are overloaded with responsibilities related to the care, education and efforts to maintain a decent economic situation.
In the absence of a father in a family of single motherhood the socialization process is disrupted, family contacts with the local community are limited and social mobility of a single mother and her children is also limited.
Psychosocial difficulties in single motherhood
No husband and father to the child in the family causes a lot of negative changes in mental and social functioning of the family environment. Single mothers often feel overloaded with household duties, caring, educating. They see themselves, as evidenced by E. Kopec [2003], as weak and helpless in the face with the requirements posed by the life, feel the lack of psychological, social and material support. They are, however aware of the fact that they are responsible for satisfying the needs of their children, their educational and living conditions.
Many single mothers manifest psychological difficulties in the form of: a sense of having been harmed by a former spouse or partner, understated self-esteem caused by loneliness and helplessness, a sense of natural life as a result of divorce, marriage, inability to meet its own aspirations and development plans and unions.
These mental disequilibrium of single motherhood contribute to some difficulties at work, irritability and even conflictual in the family, community, concentration disorder and conceptually create quality of domestic situation both inside and outside.
The quality and degree of psychological difficulties met by single mothers are the most dependent on the cause and the period in which the phenomenon of single parent families took place. This applies especially to single motherhood of women widowed, divorced or girls with a child.
Single motherhood caused by the death of the husband causes by obvious reasons feeling of despair, grief that it’s just such a tragedy that met her, longing for her husband. Psychological, material and social aid of close and further family leads in the long term for emotional balance.
Single mothers after the divorce met qualitatively different negative psycho- social situations. The increasing of difficult emotions takes place already in the period of marriage conflicts before the divorce, in these the aggression, psychical violence and of the physical one by husband towards wife and father towards child caused traumatic home situations. The divorce time is always full of stress and
