Experience is a valuable learning source. Learning through experience can happen not only in different circumstances and age, but also between different subjects (research).
Moreover in the opinion of Megumi Tabuchi and Asako Miura, sharing negative expe-riences enriches young people with reflections, thanks to which they can avoid similar mistakes themselves (2016).
Intergenerational relations are a space where members of young generation develop and reach their maturity, whereas representatives of older generation orient and value their ageing. Quality of these relations also generates and shapes feelings, thoughts and ac-tions towards others. There are some values typical for the old age that, when rejected, would deprive society of something very important, something that is inherent in hu-man life as a whole, something that is foundational to preserving identity and develop-ment of the society (Struzik 2003).
Reflections resulting from seniors’ experiences may change attitudes and quality of life of people who face different events, as well as those who listen to stories about them. Re-spondents’ experiences were grouped into four main categories.
Sources of life energy
Men are social beings and regardless of their historical and social conditions and stage of development, they need presence of others to survive (mainly during child-hood and late adultchild-hood) and maintain their life balance. Human nature is inherently relational. It determines the process of defining self and surrounding reality. Another philosophical truth is that at every stage of life, people want to feel needed and use-ful. This need intensifies with age when some activities are limited due to declining health.
This truth was expressed by the respondents:
– knowing that someone needs you, that you are important to someone – family that needs you
– certain responsibility, spending time with people and helping them with everything they cannot do themselves
– knowing that I am needed, setting tasks and goals, and making effort to achieve them.
Emotionality is inscribed into relational nature of men. Love is one of the main feel-ings that drives human activities. The one felt towards loved ones (family) and the one experienced at the higher level (often accompanied by elderly wisdom) that covers all humanity:
– love and assistance
– wonderful love towards grandchildren
– desire to live and love of people, and awareness that something good still awaits.
Another value, especially in today’s world full of various risk, is health. If you are healthy, you can pursue other values. With age, people realize how fragile health is:
– health, because if you have it, you want to do all the other things – health — why? Because when you are sick you have no energy at all.
Respondents remind that human existence is based on activity. From the simplest, daily activity to a multidimensional one. The narrators want younger generation to realize that these mundane everyday tasks, like going for a walk or reading books, may bring joy. It is even an art of living — to be able to see value in this ordinary, daily existence. Con-temporaries focus on the future (waiting for it to come or planning “big” things) or the past (dwelling on what they have lost). They do not know how to be “here and now”. To live and celebrate the fleeting, present moment. Seniors have learnt it. Limitations of age make activities, both physical and intellectual, listed below to be even more meaningful:
– curiosity about the world because it stimulates psychical and physical activity – travelling — being able to see something new
– everyday walks
– workouts, healthy lifestyle, participation in U3A lectures, I also read a lot of travel books, novels and biographies. I am active all the time, I exercise, manage my home, help my family and other people
– good activities, physical activity, reading and education, knowledge is very important – reading as during intensive professional work there was no time for this
– opportunity to gain knowledge and learn about new developments – rest.
Older people also value work performed with commitment and, what is important, with-out coercion (Frąckowiak, Wnuk-Olenicz, 2008). This freedom from all the ”musts” re-fers also to finances that seem to be one of the main determinants of human activity today:
– one should work in such a way that he is fully satisfied, even if the salary is low This statement points to the fact that work fulfills many needs, not only financial ones.
Other sources of vital energy mentioned by the respondents are values that are also cher-ished by the young people, namely: independence and satisfaction:
– independence and no coercion
– when you do what you want and gain material benefits from it – professional success — testing your abilities
– intentional, chosen purpose in life — I know what I am trying to achieve — I want to pass on my life wisdom and my experience to young people
– satisfaction
In fact, the above listed sources of life energy correspond with human needs identified by Maslow (1943, 1962, 1987). They can serve as a platform for mutual dialogue and solidarity. In case of seniors, the only difference is the level of needs and their intensity.
Grandma told, mother told... — or what works in life
Every society develops a certain system of standards and values that govern behavior of its members and define margins for deviations. This system is passed on through genera-tions and determines, among others, certain social roles and status of certain individuals in the hierarchy (Miszczak 2006, p. 306).
From the scientific point of view, an interesting issue is the subjective evaluation of time-less nature of family intergenerational messages. Content of these messages is very di-verse. Which of the advices proved to be true in the life of seniors?
– All of them. I am who I am thanks to my mom who nurtured these traits in me, that she herself had, and as I don’t have my own children, I passed them on to my students.
Some messages told about building relationships and emphasized that people are the greatest value and, regardless of age, they should be respected. Seniors referred to the evangelical principle of love of neighbor and savoir vivre rules. In this category, they listed:
– you need to be open to people and love them, and first of all, remember that good al-ways comes back
– to be good, loyal to people who deserve it
– do not do unto others what you would not want done to yourself – reliability in conduct towards yourself and others
– “go often where they are happy to see you and never where they are not”.
The respondents called young generation to show care to older people and generation that has already gone, according to the saying that “a man lives as long as he is remembered”:
– ... respect for grandparents and parents. Remembering those who passed away. Love in the family. Honesty in your conduct.
– respect for the elderly, faith in God, honesty in every situation – respect for older people
– take care of the older and help them because you will need it too.
Part of this spiritual message referred to principles that, if obeyed, would ensure a happy life:
– composure, precision, politeness, perseverance in reaching your goals, courage – being independent and educated
– rules: be good and thank – live an honest life
– I can’t remember any advices but I know my father’s life very well — his life was his advice — you have to think and work.
Two persons declared that teaching and advices they received in their family did not work in their life.
As in every generation, there were also narrators who rejected some elements of their parents’ cultural message. They explained:
– fortunately, they kept their “good advices” to themselves...
A time will come... – dealing with the past
It is typical for older people to think back about the past and evaluate their whole life (Straś-Romanowska 2000, p. 263–292). This evaluation is determined by different fac-tors: to what extent their goal have been achieved, individual emotional and social ma-turity and present circumstances (Susułowska, 1989). A person engaging in one area usually withdraws from some other. The researchers were interested what would seniors do differently if they could go back in time.
Their responses indicate that close relationships are a very important element of human existence, and often motivate to action. In retrospect, there is always a thought that more attention and time could have been given to family:
– I would make my dream about building a house sooner, a real home in an old-fashioned way – I would probably have spent more time with my family.
Some statements referred to education. The respondents lived in times when education was not as important as it is today. As U3A students, they realized that investing in their own education could have bring them tangible benefits and improve their existence:
I would try to use my time better to get a solid education – maybe I would choose other profession
– I wish I could have continued my education, I would be in a different place today – I would graduate from medical studies to be able to help people better.
The respondents would also change their approach to old age (in the private and profes-sional sphere):
– I would take care of my physical condition – I would not give up work
– I would not go into politics
– I would not make mistakes I had done in my youth
– I would not have made certain decisions the consequences of which I had to deal with.
Several people declared they would not want to go back to the past as they think of it as “closed”:
– I wouldn’t do it There is no point!
– I wouldn’t change anything – I don’t want to go back in time.
Acceptance of their own choices, and successes and failures resulting from them as “something that had to happen” is one of the components of one’s ability to in-tegrate ego (Erikson 1968:139). Acceptance of the past positively affects the way we experience life during ageing and old age (see: Błachnio, 2002; Kowalik, 2001;
Cibor 2008):
– it wouldn’t change anything; my choices in certain situation would be the same (they were the best possible, I could not predict everything)
– I would repeat my life choices.
Among the experiences worth passing on to the young generation, there were also ac-tions and decisions, that became the source of negative emoac-tions or lack of fulfillment.
The respondents cannot turn back time, but other do not have to make the same mis-takes. The following “thorns” were listed:
– that I was not myself, but I tried to be the person others wanted to see – sin of negligence, laziness
– I did not care about my health
– I talked too little about our family history with my grandparents
– I lived in the times when you could not travel around the world and today I have no health, nor money to do it
– not knowing foreign languages – no grandchildren
– retirement
– social work that did not give me satisfaction, giving myself to work instead my family – I spent too little time talking to my friends
– I was too picky choosing my partners, I had vey high expectations and zero tolerance.
Now, I am alone
Only one person said ”I regret nothing”.
Message for the next generations
When young people talk about the old ones, they often forget they actually talk about themselves too, as by reaching certain age, each one of them will become an old person.
Thus, it is extremely important to show and convince the young that old age is not only a natural process but a part of life. The way old age is perceived depends on the adopted perspective of time and circumstances. What we prepare young people to now, may bear fruit in the near future. We should look through the eyes of the future (Łuczyński, 2014, p. 35). In their messages addressed to the next generations, seniors talked about human relationships and attitudes towards life assignments.
The respondents were raised to respect other people and take responsibility for them-selves and for the others. Their statements refer to the evangelical message of the love of neighbor:
– “Have a heart and look into your heart”
– Have a good relations, both with your family and social; be decent, do not envy and do not be greedy
– Take care of relationships with loved ones and friends, nurture them. Love yourself and others, because life is short
– Show respect to other people
– Think not only about yourself but also about your loved ones
– Live following your own conscience and treat people the way you would like them to treat you. Enjoy every day because life passes quickly
– Live honestly so no one would suffer because of you.
These messages are very relevant, especially now, in the age of common moral relativism, extreme individualism and rejection of any responsibility.
Second group of reflections refers to the attitudes towards life assignments and faced dif-ficulties. Seniors point out to the value of work which not only provides means for living but also shapes and refines the character of man:
– Strive for excellence, strive for good, truth and beauty as components of excellence – Learn and work
– ”Ora et labora”
– Live in such a way that would never have to be ashamed.
Respondents also want to instill the ability to keep distance to the things that happen to us, not to worry about our failures and to consistently pursue our goals:
– Be yourself and think about yourself in the first place
– Do not get discouraged by your failures but keep doing your job – Jump up like kangaroos.
A common ground for intergenerational dialogue are plans and dreams. Dreams of the elderly show that despite the lack perfect knowledge about technology, despite age and many other imperfect — according to young people — attributes, they still have something in common with the young people. According to Newman and Newman, image of late adulthood people have at different stages of their development (chil-dren, youth, young adults) determines the way they experience every stage of their life. If they see old age as a time of new experiences, full of excitement and challenges, they will see every preceding period as successful, full of optimism and trust (New-man, New(New-man, 1984, p. 503). Thus, it is worth to show that adults in their middle and late stages of life still have desires and dreams. What else would the respondents like to do in life?
Interestingly, quite a few seniors answered they would like to see interesting and beauti-ful places in the world. Old people are aware of their fading strength and limitations of their motor system, that is why their bucket lists include:
– See many interesting places in the world, to travel – Overcome fear from cycling, see all European countries
– Climb Gerlach (TN: the highest top in Tatra Mountains) again – Go somewhere where water and air are not polluted.
The statements reveal longing for contact with nature, a space free from the negative consequences of civilizational development. Perhaps, these are the dreams of returning to the world of their childhood.
– Seniors would also like to enjoy a peaceful life:
– I’d like to live the time I have left in peace, without pain, and see Poland happy, live to that day when young people will live in peace, without hate, like it used to be when I was young
– Live like now a little bit longer.
A separate group are dreams regarding evaluation of life. The respondents would like to change some elements in their biography:
– Live through my youth again without making mistakes – Experience a beautiful, returned love
– Travel by plane because I have never done that.
There are also statements expressing altruist desires: to be useful to the younger genera-tions and to leave a mark:
– To be useful with my professional and life experiences – To be fit and help to raise my grandchildren
– To pass on my reflections to young people — I would like to organize teams of inter-generational dialogue between four generations, to solve difficult problems of human communities in the 21st century, in particular, to deal with information chaos.
There was also a dream cherished by the young generation:
– To amaze the world.
This picture of old age is against common stereotypical beliefs that it is only a ”death’s waiting room” (Brzezińska, Hejmanowski, 2005, p. 629). The interviewed seniors want to learn new things and skills, and experience sublime feelings. In this context, we can assume that Polish seniors, like seniors in Nigeria, do not see their old age as a problem (Ogunbameru, 2017, p. 95). These desires are universal and may be shared by people at any age.
Conclusion
An Old Testament words perfectly summarize the above reflections: ”Pay attention to what old people say, for they learned from those who came before them. You can learn from them, and they can teach you how to have an answer ready when you need one.”
(Sir. 8:9) Messages given by Polish seniors correspond with advices of American sen-iors who took part in Pillemer’s study (2011). This fact shows that human experiences are transnational. Mission of older people as educators of the young generation, creates an opportunity preserve traditions and values, that often decline in our contemporary,
globalized world (Chabior, 2014, p. 46). Spending time with seniors (grandparents, neighbors), especially when they are cheerful and accepting themselves, are precious experience thank to which young people receive hope and faith that human life makes deep sense (Brzezińska, Hejmanowski, 2015, p. 662). It is worth to present old age as it really is. Esther Vilar in her book Old age is beautiful. The manifest against cult of youth (Starość jest piękna. Manifest przeciwko kultowi młodości) encourages to speak openly” ”old people are old.” It is very important to create space for old age but not old age dressed up as youth. Vilar writes: ”We are fed up that you limit us and push us away from everything. We are tired of ghettos, you so perfidiously call senior homes, senior centers, senior clubs. Go live there yourselves, meet there yourselves. We are really tired of them! And we are fed up with your evenings, bowling and chess tournaments for seniors, trips for seniors, gymnastics for seniors. You can save it all to yourselves. Leave us alone! If we want to do any of these things, we will find a dancing or pottery course, not necessarily for seniors. We don’t want to spend future in our own company but also with you” (Vilar, 2008). This voice of the older generation points to the natural need of looking for common spaces and integration of the society, without artificial divisions into young and old.
As rightly pointed out by Halina Bortnowska, intergenerational communication would be much better if:
– the process of preparing people to their old age began much earlier. Ignoring the perspective of old age, resulting from the lack of or false imagination of how this old age will look like, often leads young people to false beliefs about it;
– old people changed their belief that they can teach something without changing their own behavior.” It is just discrimination if young people are afraid seniors will
– old people changed their belief that they can teach something without changing their own behavior.” It is just discrimination if young people are afraid seniors will