Urszula Kempińska
Mother’s age and the marital-parental role fulfillment: the research report
The woman’s optimal ageforprocreation ranges between 26–30, however the age of 21–25 may be still defined as suitable.The leastadvantageousis the age below 20,as well asover 40.Women who, under the age of 18,become pregnantand/or give birth to a child are considered as adolescent mothers. A fewsubgroups are to be mentioned as follows:
– a veryyoung mother– under the age of16; – an olderteen mother– since the age of16;
– a lonelyteenage mother having nosupportfrom familyor partner;
– a teenage mother havingthe support and assistance of the partner and/
orfamily1.
Although theage rangewithin which the womanisfertilerefers to15–49years of age, it is to mention that in developed countries,9 out of 10children arebornto mothers aged20–30.Gainingprofession, getting a higher education diploma, and eventually having good work are all the goals which areahead ofmatrimonialand reproductivedecisions. For these reasons, in many countries, the phenomenon of pregnancy inadolescent age israre.Womengive birth tofewerchildrenandlate in life2. Young women’s pregnancydrawsthe attention of governmentsand societies of different countries formedical, socio-economic and legal reasons. A number
1 B. Nowok, Młodociane matki jako problem społeczny i medyczny, http://
www.forumginekologiczne.pl/artykul/mlodociane-matki-jako-problem- spoleczny-i-medyczny/2270.html (10 April 2005).
2 8.HPSLĔVND0DáĪHĔVWZDPáRGRFLDQ\FK&LąĪDĞOXELFRGDOHM«", Toruń 2012, p. 70–71.
Społeczeństwo i Rodzina nr (/) / s. – / ISSN - / © by WZPiNoS KUL
sprawozdania i komunikaty sprawozdania i komunikaty
of studies have focused on fi nding the determinants andconsequences of early motherhood. It was found that teen pregnancy correlates with: loss of a parent, especiallyas a result ofdivorce or separation; the lack of a strong bond between motherand daughter, no contactwith father; the neglected, disadvantagedsocially and economically background, including abuse ofnicotine, alcohol and drugs; low rating of life chancesand prospectsto fi nish schoolandfi nd a good job; low self- -esteem, inability toplan for the future; inabilityof spending free timein a creative way; changing standards ofmorality, increasing sexual freedomand low culture of sexual behaviors3.
Th e consequences ofteen pregnanciesare:
– delayed education,the necessity of takinglow-paidjobs,livingin poverty, long-termdependency onbenefi ts, transferring the modelof lifeto their children;
– living under the same roof with parentsand be dependent on theirfi nancial aid;
– occasionalmarriage;
– young men-fathers rarelytake care of theirchildren4.
Maternalbondis oneof the most complexrelationships.Th ere are threeof its dimensions: biological, mental and social5. Th e researchers also point to possible deviations in the formation of motherhood:
– Excessive, emotional overcaring mothering (possessive, submissive or perfect mothers);
– Emotional distance in the mother–child relation. Th e consequence is motherhood aff ected by coldness and negligent care. Th e emotional distance may be manifested by a narcissism of the mother – the case of narcissistic mothers, which is the cause of excessive rigor, or even hostility towards the child, characterized by emotional abandonment and aggression used against him/her6.
A good contactwith the motherduring childhoodand adolescenceis an impor- tantfoundation forthe sensitivityand delicacyof emotionalrelationshipsfor both boysand girls7.
3 Idem, :\ERU\Ī\FLRZHG]LHFLPDáĪRQNyZPáRGRFLDQ\FK, Poznań 2013, p. 19–20.
4 Idem, 0DáĪHĔVWZDPáRGRFLDQ\FK, p. 73–77.
5 A. Maciarz, 0DFLHU]\ĔVWZRZNRQWHNĞFLH]PLDQVSRáHF]Q\FK, Warszawa 2004, p. 10–15.
6 Ibidem, p. 47–51.
7 J. Augustyn, :\FKRZDQLHVHNVXDOQHZURG]LQLHLZV]NROH, Kraków 1999, p. 25.
Today, the lives of many families focus primarily on the economic sphere.
Forced by the economic situation or their own choice – women work profes- sionally. It is obvious that a woman who works is not able to give her children as much time as non-working woman. However, modern women, despite so many responsibilities and still too little help from their husbands, do not give up the leading role of the mother.
Polish research shows that there is still a small number of fathers, who participate in an effort to protect the child’s health. Only 36 percent of respon- dents undertook the care of the child during his/her illness. In almost half of the surveyed families the father, neither helped with homework nor frequented the meetings with the class teacher. Some of them said that they had never seen fathers at all8. To mothers more often than fathers, young people turn to talk about such matters as sex education, school, religion, friends or the so-called
“health problems”. Fathersmark theirpresence in explaining thepolitical issues or the implementation ofcareer plans.
Four-fifths of respondents are satisfied with the time that their mothers devoted to them and only one third of those taking part in the survey experience satisfaction in spending time with their fathers9. Research studies conducted presently worldwide show that young fathers increasingly engage their involve- ment in family work, doing household chores as well as childcare, they can often be found in medical clinics during the compulsory child’s vaccination10. It refers especially to African Americans who are more active at home than white or Hispanic fathers11.
In recent years,with the growing numberof divorcesandsingle-parent families, the problem ofabsent father has returned with a newsense.In the countries where the divorce rateis the highest, the situation has become a subject ofpublic discus- sions. Some peopleuse even the phrase “the dad’s death”. Insocieties where the divorce rateis high, the problem is notjust the absence offathersbutthe decline of
8 S. Kawula, J. Brągiel, A.W. Janke, Pedagogika rodziny. Obszary i panorama problematyki, Toruń 2006, p. 130–131.
9 T. Biernat, P. Sobierajski, Młodzież wobec małżeństwa i rodziny. Raport z badań, Toruń 2007, p. 52.
10 F. Ouellet, G. Forget, Pères en mouvement, Pratiques en changement: une formation pour favoriser le transfert des connaissances, “Reflets: revue d’intervention sociale et communautaire” Autumn 2003, vol. 9, no. 2, p. 226.
11 American Psychological Association, The changing role of the modern day father, www.apa.org/pi/families/resources/changing-father.aspx (15 February 2012).
sprawozdania i komunikaty sprawozdania i komunikaty
fatherhood, which can be crucial, as many children aregrowing uptodaywithout authoritytowhich they couldturn toin need12.
Single-parent families do not form a homogeneous group in certain impor- tant respects, among which one can indicate: death of a parent, divorce or sepa- ration, childbearing by an unmarried woman outside of marriage13. However, the concept of single parenthood is, in the collective consciousness, attributed mostly to women who are raising children alone14.
Considering the phenomenon of single parenting it is important to distin- guish between the situation of women for whom single motherhood was a con- scious choice and the one of abandoned mothers. In the fi rst casewe are dealing mostlywith women over the age of 30, with higher education, activein the labor market, fi nanciallyindependent, havingbetter housing conditions, livingwithout a partner, coming froma familyof intellectuals, living in big cities.In the second case thereare mostlyteenagers, from small towns, poorlyeducated,coming from low-income working familiesandsingle-parent families, who arebenefi ciaries of social welfare.For many ofthese women,the pregnancy wasunplanned, accidental andmostlyundesirable.
In order to ensure the properdevelopment of a childboth parentalroles, male and female, are needed. Th e attitudes of parents, which can be defi ned as “a ten- dency tobehave in a specifi c wayinrelation to the child”15, have important psy- chosocial implications for children and family relations. Appropriate attitudes include: accepting the children for who they are; working with the children and being actively engaged with them (parents interested not only inchildren’s games and fun but also encouraging them to take part in parents’ activities and home life); givingthe childrenreasonablefreedom, appropriate for their age; recogniz- ing children’s rights in a family environment as equal withoutoverestimating andunderestimating their role16. If the child receives all this from the parents, theyfeel safe and secure, they areconfi dent and trustingtheir parents as well as open topeople.
12 A. Giddens, Socjologia, przekł. A. Szulżycka, Warszawa 2008, p. 206–207.
13 K. Slany, Alternatywne formy życia małżeńsko-rodzinnego w ponowocze- snym świecie, Kraków 2002, p. 124.
14 M.-T. Letablier, La monoparentalité aujourd’hui: Continuités et change- ments, in: E. Ruspini (red.), Monoparentalité, homoparentalité, transpa- rentalité en France et en Italie. Tendances, défi s et nouvelles exigences, Paris 2010, p. 5.
15 M. Ziemska, Postawy rodzicielskie, Warszawa 2009, p. 31.
16 8.HPSLĔVND:\ERU\Ī\FLRZHG]LHFLPDáĪRQNyZPáRGRFLDQ\FK, p. 47.
Parents canalso demonstrate inappropriate attitudes towards their child.They express themselvesby: reluctanceand distanceto the child (avoidance); rejection ofthe child,lack of interest intheirproblems; puttingexcessive demands, rigorous enforcement of the do’s and don’ts; overprotectiveness, toobigand unnecessary concern17.
Research made by Maria Janukowicz shows that young people dream of the family model in whicha loving and devoted motherand industrious and caring fatherwill keep balancebetween workand family lifeandhavemore timefor each other andfor their children.According to78.3 percent of young respondents,their homesin the future willbe different from thosein which they arereared;thefamily memberswill livewitheach other, not next to each other18.
Material and method
The study was conducted in 2012–2013among80 women witha child/ children agedat least10,residingin the Kujawsko-Pomorskie province. The studywas based on the original questionnaire invented by the author of the report. The questions addressed to respondents included among others:frequencyand content ofconver- sationswith the child,care and educationactivitiesin whichfatherstook an active part, parental attitudes, the use ofrewards and punishments.
The structure of the population
An important independent variablein the studywas theage of first time mothers.
The respondents were dividedinto twogroups: the first group includedmothers who had their firstchildas teenagers – 40 women. The second groupalso counted 40 women, however these respondents gave birth to theirfirst babyoverthe age of25.
In the firstgroup of respondents 3 women graduated from higher education institutions,22 were high school graduates, 13 women completedvocational edu- cation, 2 mothers had a primary school education. 26 respondentslive inToruń, Włocławekand Bydgoszcz, 12 – in cities with a population of 50 thousandpeople or lessand2 inthe surrounding villages. 5 women haveonly one child,28 – two,
17 M. Ziemska, op. cit., p. 57–60.
18 M. Janukowicz, Kontynuacja czy negacja wartości wyniesionych z domu rodzinnego?, “Małżeństwo i Rodzina” 2003, no. 7, p. 9.
sprawozdania i komunikaty sprawozdania i komunikaty
5 respondents have three children, and 2 are mothers of four.30 women work, 10are unemployed.
In the secondgroup, 26womenhave higher education diplomas, 10 were second- ary education graduates, 3 completed vocational schools, 1had a primary school education.18respondentsareresidents ofcities of over100thousand, 19live inthe surrounding towns, and 3 – in thevillages.4 women have one child, 23 – two, 8 are mothers of three and5 have four children. 33women work, 4 are unemployed, and 3 get a disability supportpension.
Conclusions from the study
1. Marriage requires sacrifi ce from both spouses on behalf of one ano- ther as well as concern, consideration and time dedicated to the other person. In carrying out functions of family and marriage spouses have to be mature, not only biologically but above all mentally and socially.
Husband and wife should also support each other, take responsibility for themselves, their partner and the baby. An important factor in determi- ning the success of a marriage and subsequently fulfi lling the parental roles includes, among others, marriage age and the level of education of newlyweds. In the group of teenage mothers, 7 of them concluded a marriage at the age of 16–17, with the consent of the Court of Protection, while being still students in vocational schools or high schools. Other respondents in this group got married at the age of 18–19; only 9 had completed post-primary school education and then found some work, 19 women continued education and worked at the same time, 5 were students of secondary school of general education (entirely dependent on their parents). 15 respondents got married fi rst, and only later became pregnant and had a baby, the other 18 women were forced into marriage.
Only 3 of the whole tested group of women decided to pursue graduate studies and had their degree.
In the second group of tested women they all got married at the age of 23–33, none of them was a student on their wedding day; 25 worked, 5 were granted unemployment benefi t. Only in the case of fi ve respondents pregnancy forced them into marriage. Others underlined the importance of feeling of love as the main reason of making decision about marriage.
2. 20marriages ofteenage mothersended in divorce. In the secondgroup, this problem relates toonly 8marriages: 3 ended indivorce, 5 – inseparation.
3. Nonage or teenage time may hinder the adoption of the role ofmother, arousea sense of danger, anxiety orhelplessness.3 womenhad a babyat the age of16(before getting married), 4 –at the age of17, 16– at the age of 18, and 17 – at the age of 19.
In the secondgroup, 28respondentsbecame first timemothersat the age of 29–30, 7–at the age of32–33,5 wereover 35years of age. The majority of the surveyed women in this group decided to postpone procreationplans because of the following reasons: desirefor self-fulfillment andcareer devel- opment (18 women – mostlyresidents ofBydgoszcz), fear of job loss – 7, improving professional qualifications – 5 (courses, higherstudies). Others declared thatthe main reason forthe first birth at over30years of agewas a latemarriage(4) and problems with pregnancy(6).
4. In the familiesof the respondents, regardless of the reasons formarriage or the age of first birthof the child, there wasa patriarchalformof fam- ily in which the most common household chores as well as childcare duties were done by women. Only 18respondents (9 in each group) said that their husbands helped them with household duties (performing minor repair work). The tested could count on the help of their moth- ers – 22 answers. The women included in the firstgroup of respondents (18) declared that they were supported by their own mothers as, for example, theycould not cook. On the other hand, the respondents in the second group(4) said that their mothers helped them out around the house because they had no time to perform domestic duties. In most cases, women themselvesnurtured their children, cared for them or got engaged intheireducation, having hardly any help from husbands.
Every secondteenagemother andevery fifth one ofolderagebenefited from the advice and assistance formothers. Fathers’ activities generally was limited to going for walks with children (27 cases) or taking part in parents’
meetings (16 cases, 13 of which concerned thehusbands of respondents from the second group). Noteworthy isthe fact that 9 men, mostly of younger age (6) changed diapers for their children. None of the fathers prepared mealsnorhad regular well-child visitswith the child’s doctor.The reasons forthe lack of care, orminimalassistancewith childcarefromthe husbands are rooted inthe system of education in the early childhood and youth.
A badly-organizedfamily life, overprotective mothers and grandmothers keeping the child outof the problemsand responsibilitiesof everydayfamily life, constant criticism of the father’s behavior meant that some mendid not havethe desire tohelpor they were even unable to help.On the other
sprawozdania i komunikaty sprawozdania i komunikaty
hand,asemphasized the questioned women, from the very beginning of married life they took control over everyday household activities, doing everything, even the tiniest household chores, for their spouses. In both study groups,wives were more oft en helped in the care ofa child by their partners who achieved higher educational status and were residents of the cities with population over one hundred thousand inhabitants.
5. Th e conversation and dialogue in the family are one of the basic mech- anisms of maintaining stability in the family life. Th e study shows that in the case of the majority of respondents the process of com- munication with the child was not disturbed and went on smoothly. Amongteenage mothers, only twoyoungestdid not talkwith their children (rejecting attitude). 19respondentsin this groupdeclared that they talked to their off springevery day, for at least one hour, discussing mainly school issues – successes and failures. Most of them(23)said however that during such discussionsthey do not treat the child(regardless ofhisage)asa part- ner; they just limited them to asking questions and waiting for answers. In the case ofoldermothers’ families, as many as 10 women do not have time to talkwith their child(avoidant attitude ofmothers focused on their professional career),10 mothers talk to their childrenon average forhalf an hour, usually during the meals. Otherrespondentsstated thatthey always found timeto talkwith children andtreat them aspartners, allowing them toexpress freelytheir personalopinion.
6. More than half ofwomen inboth groupssaid that theirchildren(regardless of sex) most oft en turned to them for help with solvingschool or health problems while fathers were asked to help withfi nancial matters.
7. Th ere are diff erencesin the answersof the respondentsas forthe applica- tion of punishment. Teenage mothersmore oft enthanthe women in the second group used corporal punishmenton their children(12to 2)and less frequently they adopted the system of “do’s and don’ts”(10 to21).
8. Half of the respondentsin both groupsreward their children with sweets or gift s(depending on theage of the child), one third –praise their children to give them positive feedback.
9. Mothers of the second group much more oft en set thehousehold responsi- bilitiesto their childrenas well as controlled theireveryday duties: cleaning their room, washing their own clothes, taking care of animals(30). How- ever, 13 respondents claimed thatchildren shouldonly deal withlearning and school education. As for mothers of the fi rst group, their children mainly had to tidy up their room (10 responses) or go on errands (8 responses).
10. The youngage of the parentsandthe circumstancesof entering into mar- riage(marriage forced by pregnancy) are not conducive to the proper manifestationof parental attitudes:
– Women whogot marriedand gave first birthat the age of16–17 were dominated by an attitude of rejection (4) and overprotection (2), only one respondent manifestedthe rightattitude;
– Women whose mothering age at first birth was 18–19 butbecame pre- gnantbefore marriageoftenmanifested avoidant attitude(9) or over- protecting one (5).Only 2 of the tested presentedthe rightattitude; – Women who became first birth mothers at the age of 18–19butat least
a yearafter the weddingmost often manifested the proper attitude(10) or wereoverdemanding (3 of them took higher studies after the birth of their child);
– Youngfathers (18–19years old) manifested an excessivelydemanding attitude(15 responses),especiallytowards their sons, and avoidant(12);
– Among women in the second group, 18 manifested the rightattitude, 12 were excessively demanding, 5 –avoidant or overprotecting(4 of them hadproblems with becoming pregnant or carrying the babies to full term in the past). Only one mother’s attitude was definitely rejecting(she did not wish to becomepregnant and her husband left herbefore the birth ofthe child);
– Women after divorce more often showed an overprotecting attitude.
These mothersdeclared thatbysuch anattitude they wantedto reward their fatherless children;
– The examinedmothers whose dominant attitudewas the rejectionof the child (5) explained most oftentheir behavior(dislike to the child, frigidity) by the fact of unintended pregnancy.They claimedthat the child hadruinedtheir lives, had thwarted their plans,including their education, professional development as well as the ways of spending free time;
– An excessivelydemandingattitudewas characteristic ofmotherswith higher education, sacrificing the family lifefor a career. The mother- hood of the womenwho were focused on their own ambitions has been deformed due to excessive concentration on their own professional development;
– On the other hand, the appropriateattitudesprevailedamong women accepting work and family life, feeling happy in marriage, who had their firstchild, at least a yearafter the wedding.
sprawozdania i komunikaty sprawozdania i komunikaty
Th e overall conclusion is that mothers who gave birth to their fi rst child between 16 and 19 years of age oft en:
– wereless educated, brought upa childalone, theirincomefor homemain- tenancewas lower comparedtomothersaged25–35;
– established their own family because of unintended pregnancy or birth of a child;
– camefrom neglected, deprived environment in whichtheabuse of alcohol should be noted;
– were fromsingle-parent families;
– did not care about raising the level of education;
– were notmature enough to fulfi llthe marital and parental roles;
– in the fi rst yearsof marriagewerefi nancially dependenton thegenerational families;
– relied upon their mothers’ assistance in performinghousehold chores as well asin the child’supbringing;
– used corporal punishmentof children;
– presentedthe wrongattitude: avoidant andoverprotecting.
Living with family shapes the human ideas not only about the relationship between spouses, parents and children but about the implementation of marital and parental roles as well. Many transfers occur in an unconscious, automatic way. Observation of marriage of parents, family atmosphere in which children and adolescents grow up, are for adolescent family relationship patterns. Many young people watching certain behaviors or some situations which cause family confl icts and then the ways to resolve them appreciate such experiences positi- vely and want to apply them to their families. However, there are others who see negative aspects of their family lifestyle, therefore they do not intend to follow this path in the future, rejecting it defi nitely.
Bibliography
American Psychological Association, Th e changing role of the modern day father, www.apa.org/pi/families/resources/changing-father.aspx (15 February 2012).
Augustyn J., Wychowanie seksualne w rodzinie i w szkole, Wydawnictwo WAM, Kraków 1999.
Biernat T., Sobierajski P., Młodzież wobec małżeństwa i rodziny. Raport z badań, Wydawnictwo UMK, Toruń 2007.
Giddens A., Socjologia, przekł. A. Szulżycka, Wydawnictwo Naukowe PWN, War- szawa 2008.
Janukowicz M., Kontynuacja czy negacja wartości wyniesionych z domu rodzin- nego?, “Małżeństwo i Rodzina” 2003, no. 7, p. 8–11.
Kawula S., Brągiel J., Janke A.W., Pedagogika rodziny. Obszary i panorama pro- blematyki, Wydawnictwo Adam Marszałek, Toruń 2006.
Kempińska U., Małżeństwa młodocianych. Ciąża, ślub i co dalej…?, Wydawnic- two Edukacyjne “Akapit”, Toruń 2012.
Kempińska U., Wybory życiowe dzieci małżonków młodocianych, Instytut Naukowo-Wydawniczy Maiuscula, Poznań 2013.
Letablier M.-T., La monoparentalité aujourd’hui: Continuités et changements, in: E. Ruspini (red.), Monoparentalité, homoparentalité, transparentalité en France et en Italie. Tendances, défis et nouvelles exigences, l’Harmattan, Paris 2010.
Maciarz A., Macierzyństwo w kontekście zmian społecznych, Wydawnictwo Akademickie „Żak”, Warszawa 2004.
Nowok B., Młodociane matki jako problem społeczny i medyczny, http://www.
forumginekologiczne.pl/artykul/mlodociane-matki-jako-problem-spoleczny- i-medyczny/2270.html (10 April 2005).
Ouellet F., Forget G., Pères en mouvement, Pratiques en changement: une for- mation pour favoriser le transfert des connaissances, “Reflets: revue d’in- tervention sociale et communautaire” Autumn 2003, vol. 9, no. 2, p. 222–240.
Slany K., Alternatywne formy życia małżeńsko-rodzinnego w ponowoczesnym świecie, Nomos, Kraków 2002.
Ziemska M., Postawy rodzicielskie, Wiedza Powszechna, Warszawa 2009.
Streszczenie
Najważniejszym elementem w pełnieniu roli matki jest odpowiedzialność, opie- kuńczość i dominacja. To matka jest podstawowym czynnikiem rozwoju uczucio- wego dziecka. Wszelkie jej przeżycia, radości i niepokoje przenoszą się na nie. Od natężenia matczynej miłości zależy przyszła uczuciowość dziecka. Celem artykułu jest ukazanie różnic w wypełnianiu ról małżeńsko-rodzicielskich przez kobiety, które urodziły dziecko jako nastolatki, od tych, które urodziły w wieku dojrzałym (29–38 lat). Brak dojrzałości psychicznej i społecznej u nastolatek utrudniał im przyjęcie roli matki, wzbudzał poczucie niepokoju i bezradności. Większość z nich z powodu niskiego poziomu wykształcenia, braku kwalifikacji zawodowych była uzależniona finansowo od rodzin generacyjnych. Częściej też od kobiet dojrzałych korzystały z pomocy matek w wykonywaniu podstawowych prac domowych oraz w opiece i wychowaniu dzieci.
Słowa kluczowe: matka, wiek, małżeństwo, rodzicielstwo, dziecko
sprawozdania i komunikaty sprawozdania i komunikaty
Summary
Th e most important elements in fulfi lling the role of the mother are responsibility, maternal protectiveness but also her domination over the child. Th e mother is the fi rst important person in the emotional and social development of a child. All her experiences, joys and anxieties have a strong impact on their world and mother’s love and its intensity can aff ect their future lives. Th e purpose of this article is to show the diff erences in the performance of marital and parenting roles by women who gave birth as teenagers and those who became mothers in their adulthood (29–38 years old). Mental, emotional and social immaturity of a teenager made it diffi cult for them to accept the role of mother, aroused a sense of anxiety and helplessness.
Most of them, due to the low level of education and lack of professional qualifi ca- tions were dependent fi nancially on their generational families. Th ey also, more oft en than mature women, benefi ted from the help of mothers with basic household chores, the care and upbringing of children.
Key words: mother, age, marriage, parenthood, child
